What Does “Okay” Really Mean?

 After my dad passed away, Kelly and I began spending more time trying to care for Mom and help with her needs. We would visit her, call her on the phone, or send her a text. Almost every time, she would tell us the same thing: “I’m okay.”

At the time, I think I understood what she meant. She was okay. She was getting through the day. She didn't need us to worry about her. But it wasn't until four years later, when Kelly passed away, that those words began to have a completely different meaning for me.

After Kelly died, people would ask me how I was doing, and I would say, “I'm okay.” But what did I really mean? What does okay mean? I suppose the answer is different for everyone.

Now it has been more than two years since Kelly's passing, and the truth is, I am okay. But I am still sad. I am still struggling. I am still hurting. I still have moments when I feel the emptiness of losing someone who was such an important part of my life.

So how can I say that I am okay? Maybe being okay doesn't mean that everything is okay. Maybe it means I am learning how to live with what isn't.

There is a song by Matthew West called Truth Be Told that has made me think about this. The song talks about the way we often tell people that we are fine, even when underneath the surface we are hurting. We say everything is under control when sometimes it isn't.

And I understand that. Why do we do that? Why do we say we are fine or okay when, in the quiet moments of our homes, we know that our hearts are still hurting?

Maybe sometimes it is because we don't know how to explain what we are feeling. Maybe we don't want people to worry about us. Maybe we don't want to bring sadness into someone else's day. Or maybe “I'm okay” is simply the easiest way to say, “I'm getting through it.”

I have come to realize that okay doesn't necessarily mean whole. It can mean that I am functioning even though I am hurting. It can mean that I am moving forward even though part of me wishes I could go back. It can mean that I still have sad moments, but those moments don't define every moment of my life.

It can mean that I miss someone terribly and still find reasons to smile. It can mean that I don't understand everything God is doing, but I still trust Him.

And perhaps most importantly, being okay doesn't mean that God expects me to pretend that I am. He already knows. He knows the thoughts I don't say out loud. He knows the tears that come when no one is around. He knows the places in my heart that still hurt. He knows what I miss, what I wonder about, and what I am still trying to understand.

I don't have to hide those things from Him.

Maybe there is a difference between pretending we are okay and being okay while still hurting. I think I am learning that difference.

I am not the same person I was before Kelly died. There is a part of my heart that will always carry that loss. I don't think that part needs to be fixed or erased. It is there because I loved deeply, and love doesn't disappear simply because someone is gone.

So when someone asks me how I am doing and I say, “I'm okay,” perhaps I am telling the truth. I am okay. I am also still sad. I am okay, and I still miss Kelly. I am okay, and I am still learning what this new life looks like. I am okay, and sometimes I cry. I am okay, and sometimes I don't have the answers.

I am okay because I am still here, still growing, still striving, still hoping, and still reaching toward God. Maybe okay isn't a destination where all the pain has disappeared. Maybe okay is a place we can stand while we are still healing, still learning, and still finding our way.

And maybe the most important thing is that when I say, “I'm okay,” God knows the whole truth behind those two little words. He knows I am still hurting. He knows I am still trying. He knows I am still hoping. And He knows that, even with a piece of my heart missing, I am going to be okay.