What Does “Okay” Really Mean?

 After my dad passed away, Kelly and I began spending more time trying to care for Mom and help with her needs. We would visit her, call her on the phone, or send her a text. Almost every time, she would tell us the same thing: “I’m okay.”

At the time, I think I understood what she meant. She was okay. She was getting through the day. She didn't need us to worry about her. But it wasn't until four years later, when Kelly passed away, that those words began to have a completely different meaning for me.

After Kelly died, people would ask me how I was doing, and I would say, “I'm okay.” But what did I really mean? What does okay mean? I suppose the answer is different for everyone.

Now it has been more than two years since Kelly's passing, and the truth is, I am okay. But I am still sad. I am still struggling. I am still hurting. I still have moments when I feel the emptiness of losing someone who was such an important part of my life.

So how can I say that I am okay? Maybe being okay doesn't mean that everything is okay. Maybe it means I am learning how to live with what isn't.

There is a song by Matthew West called Truth Be Told that has made me think about this. The song talks about the way we often tell people that we are fine, even when underneath the surface we are hurting. We say everything is under control when sometimes it isn't.

And I understand that. Why do we do that? Why do we say we are fine or okay when, in the quiet moments of our homes, we know that our hearts are still hurting?

Maybe sometimes it is because we don't know how to explain what we are feeling. Maybe we don't want people to worry about us. Maybe we don't want to bring sadness into someone else's day. Or maybe “I'm okay” is simply the easiest way to say, “I'm getting through it.”

I have come to realize that okay doesn't necessarily mean whole. It can mean that I am functioning even though I am hurting. It can mean that I am moving forward even though part of me wishes I could go back. It can mean that I still have sad moments, but those moments don't define every moment of my life.

It can mean that I miss someone terribly and still find reasons to smile. It can mean that I don't understand everything God is doing, but I still trust Him.

And perhaps most importantly, being okay doesn't mean that God expects me to pretend that I am. He already knows. He knows the thoughts I don't say out loud. He knows the tears that come when no one is around. He knows the places in my heart that still hurt. He knows what I miss, what I wonder about, and what I am still trying to understand.

I don't have to hide those things from Him.

Maybe there is a difference between pretending we are okay and being okay while still hurting. I think I am learning that difference.

I am not the same person I was before Kelly died. There is a part of my heart that will always carry that loss. I don't think that part needs to be fixed or erased. It is there because I loved deeply, and love doesn't disappear simply because someone is gone.

So when someone asks me how I am doing and I say, “I'm okay,” perhaps I am telling the truth. I am okay. I am also still sad. I am okay, and I still miss Kelly. I am okay, and I am still learning what this new life looks like. I am okay, and sometimes I cry. I am okay, and sometimes I don't have the answers.

I am okay because I am still here, still growing, still striving, still hoping, and still reaching toward God. Maybe okay isn't a destination where all the pain has disappeared. Maybe okay is a place we can stand while we are still healing, still learning, and still finding our way.

And maybe the most important thing is that when I say, “I'm okay,” God knows the whole truth behind those two little words. He knows I am still hurting. He knows I am still trying. He knows I am still hoping. And He knows that, even with a piece of my heart missing, I am going to be okay.

Trusting the Process

I have been busy digitizing my past journal entries. I had scanned them all and was in the process of converting them into Word documents on my desktop computer so I could begin cleaning them up. Then my desktop died. I wasn't too worried at first because I thought everything was synced with my laptop, but apparently the computer died before everything had been uploaded to OneDrive. The folders were there, but when I tried to open the files, the information wasn't.

Rather than scan everything again, I decided to begin reading my journal entries into Word. Surprisingly, the process has lifted me up. In some cases, I couldn't believe I had actually written some of the things I found. There was so much in those pages. There was love, help, hurt, struggle, and growth.

My journals don't necessarily reflect my life as completely as I would like. When I write, I tend to focus on what I am feeling and what is happening around me at that particular time. But as I have gone back through them, I have realized that I was having life experiences that were teaching me so much. Because of that, I began keeping a separate collection of experiences that have taught me lessons, along with things I have learned through my journal writing.

So now I have two sources of history, and really three, because I also have my scrapbook. The pictures tell stories too, although I haven't always written the stories behind them. Perhaps someday I will find an easy way to bring all of these things together. For now, I think it is okay for them to remain separate.

I am still struggling. I am still trying to learn and adapt to my life and to this season I am in. My life has left me living alone, while also taking care of Mom, managing her finances and homes, and carrying my own responsibilities. I know I have written about this before, but I think it is important to acknowledge that it is still a trial.

It is interesting because I also know how blessed I am. Heavenly Father has given me so many tender mercies. I have seen miracles and blessings in abundance. Yet being blessed does not take the heartache out of life. Having a partnership with someone you love like no other is so valuable. It gives you something that is difficult to replace when you are alone.

Still, I believe that through the grace of God, He can help fill in those missing places. I may not know exactly how, and perhaps I don't need to know yet. Maybe part of this season is learning to trust Him while I am still figuring out what my life is supposed to look like.

Even the world around me seems to reflect how unpredictable life can be. It has been incredibly hot here in Texas, and our grass is brown because we haven't had rain in a long time. Yet other cities are receiving so much rain that they are flooding. Some places are so dry they are dealing with fires. There are earthquakes, wars, tornadoes, tsunamis, and before long, I am sure, snowstorms somewhere.

There is so much uncertainty in the world, and I think it is important to hold on to what we know to be true. God is still God. He is still aware of us, and He will guide us.

I saw a rainbow the other day, and I couldn't help but think about the scriptures and God's promises. It reminded me that I don't need to spend my time worrying about when the end of the world will come. Some people are wishing for it, some are hoping for it, and some believe the time is already here. But only the Lord knows when He will come. My responsibility is simply to be prepared and to live faithfully today.

As for my own life, I don't really know what I want right now. I am still trying to figure that out. I don't sleep well, and that has been a struggle for most of my life. Next week I am going to the doctor to talk about what I can do to sleep better. I have a feeling that improving my sleep could change my world in ways I am very excited about.

I have also been studying a lot about the body and how our bodies work. They are truly divine. God created something so complicated and yet so beautifully designed to work together for our good. The more I learn, the more amazed I become.

I also find it interesting that the scriptures teach us there is opposition in all things. The more I study health, what we should eat, how we should care for our bodies, and what we should do to live well, the more I find that there are different opinions about almost everything. Yet I love it when my studies confirm and support the principles God has already given us about caring for our bodies.

I suppose I am still rambling a little because I don't completely know what I am trying to say. Maybe that is okay. Perhaps this is where I am right now. I am still learning. I am still adapting. I am still trying to understand this season of my life.

But there is one thing I do know. I love the Lord, and I know He will take care of me. I also know that there are things I have to make myself do, even when I don't feel like doing them. I don't have to do those things alone. He will help me find the strength to do what I need to do.

Maybe I don't need to have my whole life figured out right now. Maybe I just need to keep moving forward, one step at a time, trusting that as I do my part, the Lord will help me with the rest.

God Knows the Weather of My Heart

I've been thinking lately about storms and how they mirror the seasons of my life.

Some days I feel steady and strong, moving through the hours with confidence. Other days arrive, and it feels like all my motivation disappears, and I'm simply trying to make it through. It's been two years since my husband passed, and part of me thought I should be further along in my grief.

But something shifted for me the other day.

When the weather changes, I adjust what I do. I wouldn't mow the yard in the rain or plan outdoor work during a downpour. I accept the weather for what it is and move with it.

I realized my emotions work the same way. 

Some days feel like a light rain, and some days feel like a full storm in my heart. I've spent a lot of time thinking I should be doing more, but I'm learning that inner storms require the same kind of adjustment as outer ones. When grief rises like heavy clouds, I'm not failing. I'm responding to the conditions of my heart.

There are days when the storm inside is so strong that I feel almost paralyzed. I'm learning that this isn't weakness—it's part of healing. God guides me through the changing seasons outside, and He's guiding me through the changing seasons within. I don't have to pretend it's sunny when it's storming. I just have to walk with Him through whatever the day holds.

If you're struggling now, or have struggled, or will struggle someday, be kind to yourself. Adjust to the mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual weather you're experiencing, and give yourself grace.

After all, that's exactly what God does.

Striving to Walk Forward with Joy

I miss my dear beloved husband who passed away peacefully in 2024. We had just celebrated 45 years of marriage and 54 years of friendship. Stepping into this new season of being alone has made me search deeply for purpose. It hasn’t changed, and yet it has.            

Some days, the quiet feels heavy. I’m aware of the empty spaces that used to be filled with movement, conversation, and shared life. But even in those tender moments, Heavenly Father reminds me that I am never truly alone. Through small, unexpected gifts, an email, a phone call, a message online, a song, or a scripture that speaks straight to my heart, He whispers, “I’m here. I hear you.” My prayers are known. My needs are seen. And often, His love reaches me through the people who love me most.

I think back to the day Zach and Connor came to visit. I wasn’t sure how we’d keep everyone happy, but it turned into pure joy. We built a fort, played with the microphone and electric piano, and eventually gave in to the irresistible urge to run and jump. I became the announcer while my little daredevils performed their stunts, laughing and tumbling with delight. It was simple, happy, and healing.

I miss the days when my own children were small, but grandchildren fill that space in the sweetest way. When I think of Kathryn, Hannah, Sadie, Elijah, Riley, Asher, Zach, Connor, Wesley, Elijah, Alie, Gavin, Tanner, Jackson, Alex, William, Kyler, Maggie, Ellie, Addie, and Oakley, my heart feels full. Each one is a gift from Heavenly Father, a reminder of His goodness and the legacy of love He allows us to build.

There is a joy that fills the soul, not just in celebrations, but in the everyday moments of family life: shared laughter, running hugs, stories around the table, whispered prayers, and love that deepens through time.

Family is where we learn to love, forgive, serve, and grow. It is the sacred classroom of eternity. And what makes this joy even more profound is knowing it doesn’t end here.
Because of the Plan of Happiness, we know that family is not just a mortal blessing, but an eternal promise. Through Jesus Christ, we can return home together. That knowledge brings hope to grief, meaning to sacrifice, and light to our darkest days.

This is what life is about, loving deeply, living faithfully, and walking forward with joy, hand in hand with those we cherish, and with the Savior who makes it all possible.

 Need to update these pics!

The Lord Adds Weight Not To Burden Us, But To Balance Us

We always have the opportunity to learn and to grow. But just as the physical body can
become injured or paralyzed, our emotional and spiritual selves can also become immobilized. During trials, I sometimes find myself unable to do the things I once did with ease. Striving to look forward to a new season of life with a positive outlook, only to suddenly feel handicapped, stalled on the path I thought I was ready to walk.

When the body loses its former abilities, a person can either sink into discouragement or begin the hard work of learning how to function within new limitations. I’ve seen remarkable people rise above physical challenges and create extraordinary lives. Their courage inspires me, especially when I recognize moments where I’ve allowed my own trials to paralyze me emotionally or spiritually. At times, the pain has felt so heavy that I could hardly move forward. I’ve always had a long list of things I hoped to accomplish, yet finding the motivation to push ahead has sometimes been its own trial.

We don’t need to compare or detail our individual hardships to understand that every one of us goes through a refining process. Trials often force us to find a new way to walk, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Life can feel unbalanced, demanding more of us in one area than we feel able to give. And just when we think we’re carrying all we can, it may seem the Lord asks us to do even more.

As I pondered this, a simple lesson came to mind, one that helped me understand balance and the way the Lord works with us.

Think of weights.

A barbell is easiest to lift when the weight is evenly distributed on both sides. When the bar is balanced, the lifter can keep it steady and parallel to the ground. But when the weight is uneven, even if the total weight is less, it becomes harder to lift. The body strains to compensate, and the effort required is far greater.

 Not only was the bar easier for the lifter when the weight was proportionate.  With effort, an uneven weighted bar can be lifted but the work required takes more energy as the body tries to compensate for the difference.  It is actually harder to lift and maintain, even though the sum of the weight is less than when both sides were equal in weight.

This physical truth mirrors a spiritual one.

When we look at the “weightier matters” of our lives, work, family, children, school, home responsibilities, study, prayer, we often see imbalance. We feel overloaded on one side and under-supported on the other. We feel like the weightlifter who already has more than he can bear, and then the Lord seems to add something else to the bar.

But here is the miracle:
The Lord adds weight not to burden us, but to balance us.

       A gift from the Lord to help us make life easier to bear. 

      No matter what is going on in our lives, the Lord wants us to succeed.  The perceived added weight is really a blessing from him whether we can see or feel it to be at the time.

I am learning more than ever to apply the many things I have been taught. Druing times of trials I have had to learn a new way to accomplish task and responsibilities in my life.  The gospel is a gospel of action.  I can think about all the good things I want to do, and hope to do, but if I must find a way to do them, 

I am convinced the Lord is more willing to do things for us than we are willing to allow Him to do. If we are faithful and diligent, the Lord will provide a way for us to accomplish what He has commanded. 

Remember the words of Nephi in 1 Nephi 3:7, to go and do.  I want to go and do what the Lord wants me to do and I know that He will provide a way.

The Stewardship of My Thoughts

I have long believed in the power of a good attitude. I’ve tried to make it a habit to look for the green grass right where I stand, to notice blessings, to choose gratitude, to keep hope and optimism close to my heart. And yet, I’m not always successful. Some days the grass looks dry, the sky feels heavy, and my thoughts wander into places I’d rather not dwell.

Years ago, while sharing some of my struggles with my beloved mother, she gave me counsel I have never forgotten: “Think eternally.” She encouraged me to ask myself whether the things troubling me would have any impact on salvation. That simple perspective has helped me weed out thoughts and activities that do not lead me toward my eternal goals. But when storms rage, that clarity becomes harder to hold. Thoughts can pull us downward just as easily as they can lift us upward.

Learning to manage my thoughts is a lifelong effort. I try to focus on what I want to do rather than what I want to avoid. It reminds me of parenting: instead of simply saying no to a child, we redirect them toward something better. Older children still need guidance, but in a way that helps them learn to choose wisely. Heavenly Father leads us the same way, inviting, guiding, offering better paths.

Overcoming the natural man is not about eliminating it, but learning to govern it. Hard experiences can harden us or soften us. They can make us bitter or make us divine. Earl Nightingale taught that our goals lie in the future, and our task is to build a bridge from where we are to where we want to be. Sometimes we build that bridge in the wrong place, or without the tools we need, or we try to build it alone. I know where I want to go, but I am still gathering the tools and seeking the direction that will lead me where Heavenly Father wants me to be.

Boyd K Packard said, "As soon as we learn that the tempter, the adversary, uses those same channels of the mind & heart to inspire us to evil, to laziness, to contention, even to acts of darkness, he can take over our thoughts and lead us to mischief."

Positive thinking lifts both the spirit and the body. Negative thoughts can weigh us down and affect our health, mood, and relationships, while positive thoughts energize and strengthen us. This is why it is so important to pay attention to what we allow to settle in our minds. Our thoughts shape our attitude, and our attitude influences not only our actions but also the atmosphere we create for the people around us.

But even in those moments, I’m learning that the effort itself matters. The reaching. The trying. The turning of my face toward the light, even when clouds make it hard to see. A good attitude isn’t about pretending everything is perfect; it’s about trusting that God is present in the imperfect. It’s choosing to believe that He can water the ground beneath my feet, even when I feel weary.

Hope grows slowly, but it grows. Ad on the days when my optimism falters, His grace fills the gap. I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to keep turning toward Him

Sometimes life forces us to create new pathways in our minds because something unexpected has changed the direction we hoped to go. What I envisioned for my future has not always unfolded as planned. Mortality brings surprises, and change is rarely easy.

Since the human brain cannot replace something with nothing, unwanted thoughts must be replaced with something better. When negativity or self‑pity creeps in, I have the power to redirect my mind, but knowing and doing are not always the same. Resisting a thought often strengthens it. If I’m trying to avoid ice cream, thinking about how much I want it only increases the craving. But if I replace the thought with something uplifting or engaging, the desire loses its grip. Thoughts trigger images, and images trigger action.

This doesn’t mean ignoring real problems. A friend once gave me a vivid example: if you see a dangerous man in the corner holding a machete, covering your eyes doesn’t make him disappear. Likewise, ignoring a problem doesn’t solve it. Some situations require deliberate thought, planning, and courage.

Another problem that can occur with our problem solving is the tendency to want the solution NOW!  It is hard to be patient when we know what we want and can't or don't have it.  But being patient and using our thoughts to help us find answers may not come all at once.  It's usually a process when confronted inch by inch they say it is a cinch, but yard by yard is hard.  Sometimes resolution comes by taking steps to reach that destination.  We are all on a journey here and line upon line, precept upon precept will help us reach our goals.

Leonardo da Vinci said, “Simplicity is the ultimate form of sophistication.” I love that thought. Simplicity clears space for clarity, peace, and purpose.

When this mortal life is over, I will be the product of my thoughts, choices, and desires. We are commanded to love God with all our mind. Our minds guide our bodies, and what we do with our bodies leads to happiness or misery. As we remain worthy, the Spirit teaches us how to think. What we desire and dwell upon shapes our eternal destiny.

George Albert Smith warned,  "If you cross to the devils side of that line ONE INCH you are in the tempters power and if he is successful, you will not be able to think or even reason properly because you will have lost the spirit of the Lord." 

When you develop the habit of thinking good thoughts, your day often changes for the better. It is not simply about being optimistic. It is about choosing thoughts that build clarity, strength, and purpose.

Some people prefer the term constructive thinking because it suggests growth, open mindedness, and resilience. Life brings hardship to everyone. Constructive thinkers learn to face those challenges with grace. They acknowledge negativity, use it to understand deeper issues, and then release it when it is no longer helpful. They are careful about what they allow to grow in their minds. They choose thoughts that build rather than break.

This kind of thinking also requires action. Even when life feels heavy, there is always a hopeful side waiting to be found. Challenge yourself to look for it. Give yourself time to feel, process, and learn from the difficult moments. Accept them, grow through them, and then return to the light.

Thinking is a gift from God. When we guide our thoughts with intention and replace negative commentary with constructive truth, our days often flow more smoothly. Gratitude opens our eyes to blessings, and those blessings become tools for growth. Let your thoughts reflect the goodness of God, and let that goodness shape your life

Whatsoever things are true, honest, pure, or lovely, think on these things: Philip. 4:8;