Joy And Sorrow Can Sit Side by Side

I have always kept a journal as a form of therapy. It helps me see where I have been and where I am now. It helps me recognize my growth and remember moments that might have slipped away if I had not written them down. Lately I have been typing up my handwritten entries and listening to old voice recordings I made while driving or doing chores. This process has become its own kind of reflection. As I read and listen, I can see the woman I was, the woman I am becoming, and the gentle thread of God’s help running through all of it.

I read a quote in a flip book from Andrew and Clarissa that said, “Invest in yourself and reap the rewards.” It made me pause. I realized that journaling is one of the ways I invest in myself. So is prayer, quiet reflection, and choosing to be honest about my feelings. These small acts help me understand my own heart. They help me see the Lord’s hand in my life. They help me keep moving forward even when I feel unsure.

So here is a copy of my year end of 2025, one and a half years since the passing of Kelly and all I learned in that year.  

End of Year Reflection 

This year has stretched me in ways I never expected. I walked through grief, caregiving, loneliness, physical pain, and emotional exhaustion. I faced days when I could barely move forward and nights when the weight of everything felt too heavy to carry. Yet through it all, I kept going. I kept praying. I kept trying. And I learned more about myself and about God than I ever have before.

I learned that strength from the Lord is not something I receive once. It is something I reach for every morning and every hour. I learned that grief does not disappear, but it softens when I keep moving and allow both sorrow and joy to exist together. I learned that caregiving requires more patience, love, and endurance than I ever imagined, and that showing up imperfectly still matters.

I learned that I am far harder on myself than the Lord is. He sees my effort, not my shortcomings. He stays near even when I feel far from steady. I learned that healing comes in small moments, not grand ones. A hymn at the right time. A peaceful drive. A grandchild’s smile. A quiet whisper of comfort when I needed it most.

I learned that my body and spirit both need gentleness. I learned that loneliness is not the same as being alone, and that missing Kelly is part of loving him. I learned that I cannot walk this journey by myself. I need the Lord. I need my family. I need the people who help me in small and practical ways. I learned that God is in the details of my life, guiding me even when I cannot see the path.

I learned that moving forward is an act of faith. Some days all I could do was put one foot in front of the other. Some days all I could offer was a whispered prayer. Some days I simply tried again. And that was enough.

This year taught me that I am still capable of joy. I am still capable of love. I am still capable of hope. And even in the hardest moments, the Lord has never left my side.

What I learned this year is that the Lord strengthens me one day at a time, and as long as I keep trying, He will keep guiding me forward. Joy and sorrow can sit side by side, and love keeps both of them alive in me.