Random Thoughts

So I am not sure if memories are good or bad. I suppose they can be both. I have been so tired lately so when I came home from work today I just had to lay down, boots, coat and all. I didn't think I would be able to sleep but I did slide in and out of consciousness.

During one moment of being a little alert, I had perfect recall of a day like today many years ago. I was able to reflect at a time when I would hear my children coming in from school. I could hear their sweet little voices and I could almost feel their presence. I laid there and every smell and sound and feeling took me back in time for a few moments. It was so sweet to recapture that tender moment in time past.

Now that I am more awake, still tired but functioning again, I feel sad. How can we miss days that seemed at the time to be so hard. I look back, and it almost seems like those days were so much easier and sweeter than some of the days I have now.

How could that be? That is a crazy thought because Kelly and I had hardly any money, he worked all the time it seems and there were 6 little ones always under foot. Before getting up I tried to think about the present and I can't think of looking back on them like I was looking back on the days long gone. Of course, I will. Not only do I continue to have great joy in my children, but now in their children as well.

My eyes well up with tears thinking about the days past. They were hard but we made it through. Some days now I wonder if I can make it through, but each little experience prepares us for the ones still ahead.

For those sweet little mothers struggling so much, these are precious times. You don't know what the future holds as much as we think and hope it will bring.

So for now, I am grateful for memories. I just wish I could actually be there again from time to time. I know I am too old and too tired to possibly handle it all again, but I am grateful the memories I do have. What a wonderful blessing it is to remember!