McMurry Moments

Sleep Paralysis

2012-01-30T15:25:00.000-06:00

One article I read about sleep paralysis says the could partly be brought on by stress or sleep deprivation. I did read some stories of others, and I am just glad that my episodes are not as scary or involved as theirs. In fact, I am not sure that I can clasify my sleep experience as sleep paralysis based on the stories of others, but when I read the science of it, then I think it may be similar if not it. Just a place between awake and REM.

Sleeping has never been something I am good at. I have always thought for me it is a "learned" behavior. Within the last year I have started having night jerks. As I am drifting asleep, my body misinterprets the signal of falling asleep as "falling" so my body reacts and jerks. I go through this most nights and the vary from few to many, small to huge. To add to that I now have those wonderful "hot flashes" that plague me throughout the night. No matter how I try to not respond to the flashes, I have to get the covers off of me as quickly as I can. I fall back asleep then wake up cold and pull the covers back on.

Today I wasn't feeling very well and had to go lay down. I have not slept well at all the last few nights so I figured I just needed some sleep. I went and laid down and before I knew it, it began.

I would begin dreaming. I was me, in bed, then episodes would begin, the dreaming began, the paralysis began. I was there, as I was, but the events around me weren't real and I knew it. My mind was dreaming, yet I was conscience enough to know it wasn't real and I couldn't move. I was able to wake my self up, but the tiredness sucked me back in over and over again. I would be laying there in bed, while someone came to visit, dad would come and talk to me, bring me the mail, the friend would lay down with me, etc. I couldn't move and my mind knew it was not real. While it doesn't seem scary, it was. Now this was different than most times because they are usually not dream friendly.

The first time I remember experiencing this was when I was young. At these times I always thought there "were" demons around me. Later, in life the scary part was more that I couldn't move. The dream around these times are not as memorable, but I can say that I really would be okay if I never had another dream paralysis. I am just glad I was able to wake myself up during these last times. I would like to have gone back to sleep but the fear you have just wants it to end and I could tell my body was not relaxing and was fighting against the episodes.

I hope I can sleep tonight. :)

How Do Muscles Get Bigger and Stronger?

2012-01-11T15:57:00.002-06:00

Theother day I was thinking about trials and challenges that we all face in thislife. As I contemplated this subject, the idea that a trial is not wasted if weallow it to help us grow spiritually rang true to my heart. I personally do notlike adversity and affliction, but I do wonder what I would be like todaywithout some of those growing experiences.

Thinking about this I recalled someinformation that I learned about physical stress on the body. The relationshipof building our body and building our spirits use the same concepts. As we experiencethose things in life that are hard, we grow. We become bigger and better.

Physically:

A fewmonths ago I decided I wanted to increase my distance as I walked so I hit theroad and did 5 miles every day for a week. I had not been walking consistently as I had been doing in the past butfelt like I was capable of walking this distance every day. Towards the end of the week I began to havepain in my knees, but I was determined and pushed forward. Unfortunately, that was not a gooddecision. As I got up on the 6^thday to walk, I couldn’t even stand. Thepain in my knees was incredible. So Ilooked down at my knees and the inner side of each one was black and blue. I had definitely torn something. So for two days, I had to crawl around thehouse (crutches were too uncomfortable for me).

I wasvery interested in understanding what had happened that caused my knees to letme down. I guess I let them down is thereal truth because I came to understand I had over worked them. I needed to work up to the 5 miles to give myknees time to adjust and build strength. I had created a habit of walkingdaily, but had lapse in this routine when I took on the 5 mile goal.

Havingthis happen began me wanting to understand more about the muscles in ourbodies. I wanted to focus on the science of how the human body actually works. Howdo our muscles get bigger and stronger? After searching diligently for theanswers I finally found what I was looking for.

The first and key element required for our muscles to get bigger orstronger is stress.Physiologist Walter Cannon came up with the term ‘homeostasis’ to explain theway in which our body does its best to always stay within a comfortable operating range where our cells can function optimally.The concept is that while external forces can sometimes bring about drasticchanges in our body, it always reverts to a default position. Your heart rateis a good example of homeostasis as it beats constantly within a set rangeunder ordinary conditions, but that rate can either go up or down depending onwhat type of activity you are doing. In spite of these fluctuations, as long asyou are healthy, your heart rate will always return to its regular restingrate. Stress is a key reason foryour body to change

As negative a connotation that theword ‘stress’ carries for us today,the reality is that it is an extremely important stimulus in our daily lives asit allows us to adapt to our surrounding environment. Without stress, wewouldn’t exist and in many ways it can be a very positive thing as it is howthe body acts to remove or minimize the effect of a stressful stimulus. Acommon example of stress at work is a callus. If you wear shoes that are a bittoo tight and it rubs repeatedly against a part of your foot, if the actionisn’t so strong as to form a blister (the exhaustion phase) As long as theaction is not strong enough to create a blister (exhaustion stage) over timethe layers of skin that rub against the inside of your shoe will begin toharden. The skin will continue to get thicker and harder until a callus isformed. The callus then, serves as a way your body protects the deeper layersof skin tissue from being destroyed by the action of rubbing against your shoe.In essence adaptation works to minimize the effect of stress on the body.

Using the bicep muscles as an example we canbetter understand. Your biceps are responsible for any movement involving elbow flexionsuch as a biceps curl. Now your body, over the years is already adapted to theweight of your arm and the regular activities that you do on a daily basis, soyou could do lots of biceps curls with no weight and your arms would not getbigger or stronger. You’d get tired, the way you would by performing any kindof calisthenics, but your muscles wouldn’t increase in strength. In order for your muscles to get bigger and stronger, youwould have to apply overload. To overload means that the muscle experiences aload above and beyond what it previously adapted to in order to trigger thesequence of a new adaptation.

Nowthere is more to this. If you continuethe process with the same weight, your body forms a new adaption and tocontinue to build, you now need to increasethe demands on that muscle.

Theother side of this is overuse. Ifthe action is too great and the organism is unable to adapt to the stress, itresults in the exhaustion phase,where on a cellular level instead of a building (or anabolic) action, there isa destructive action (catabolic). This, in terms of exercise stress, is what iscalled overtraining and is defined as a physical, behavioral, and sometimesemotional condition that occurs when the volume and intensity of your exerciseexceeds your body’s capacity to recover. Youstop making progress and in many cases find yourself getting weaker more fatigued and generally less motivated as time goes on. Overtraining can also loweryour immune system and increase the incidence of injury

Spiritually:

I have alot to say about this and the relationship between building our physicalmuscles and our spiritually muscles but in my studies, I came across a bloggerthat said it so much better than I could. I found myself writing the samethings so it seem well to just include that message here. It was worth reading and illustrates my pointwell. I don’t think they touched on thegrowth we get from adversity and opposition, but if you have looked back on yourlife hopefully you can see the blessing and growth that has come from thosetribulations and how we make it through the hard times because of the spiritualmuscles that have been built prior to each new experience. (There are several greatanalogies to draw from the physical and the spiritual that are not included here. Maybe you will find some on your own.)

http://ldsessays.blogspot.com/2011/03/spiritual-muscle.html

The Spiritual Muscle

The conversion process to the restored gospel can be a thrilling andriveting spiritual journey. For eachindividual it is different, but for each individual they have at times felt thepower and presence of the Holy Spirit. These experiences are testimony builders, and they initially seem topropel us from one spiritual event to the next. Our prayers become sincere, our actions become genuine, and even ourregular church attendance if wrought with spiritual insights.

As life continues on, there seems to be a time when the spiritualinsights begin to dwindle, and the actions of activity in the church becomenothing more than actions. There aretimes when we ask ourselves, questions in regarding our spirituality and whereit might have gone – and for some, such questions even raise inquiries aboutthe reality of the initial events at their conversion.

They seem to be doing the same acts that they were doing before, butnow without the same results. They arereading their scriptures, praying, attending the temple regularly, and servingin their calling as faithfully as expected. And yet, the same feelings that were there in the past are nowhere to beseen. I have had people confide in meand ask, “Where did the spirit go?”

Many missionaries see this very same thing in their rankings. When a new missionary is sent into theMissionary Training Center, they are spiritually primed. They are then sent out to the field, and theybegin to have experience after experience which testifies to them the realityof their mission. They begin to feel thespirit constantly, and they rejoice in the converting power – not just to newmembers of the church but to themselves.

But what takes place next is inevitable. There comes a point where the missionarywakes up, goes to Zone Conference, and questions why he no longer feels thatrush, that spirit, and that confirmation every day that he once felt sostrongly. This happens to everymissionary in the field, and arguably to every member of the church.

Allow me to propose a hypothetical solution to this question. I call this hypothetical because it is onlytheory, but the logic has potential. Andby no means do I currently propose that this is doctrine or theology – butmaybe just an applicable explanation.

Let’s draw from three events in the life of Joseph Smith.

First, imagine the Sacred Grove, 1820 – the fourteen year old boyhaving the theophany which would change the understanding of God and manthereafter. According to his own recordat the close of this remarkable event, the next thing he remembers is regainingconsciousness in the Grove. He rememberwaking up on the ground, having been absolutely (as far as I can assume)physically drained from the experience.

Second, a few years later that same boy, is visited by an angel in thenight – three times. At the conclusionof these “interviews” the boy goes about his daily duties. Sometime in the morning, his father noticesthat he is physically exhausted and directs to boy to go home. On his way home he is so exhausted,apparently more so than just by having a late night – he passes out as he triesto cross a fence.

Third, in the upper room of a building in Kirkland, Ohio, the prophetis surround by his colleagues in the school of the prophets – when a remarkablevision is opened to Joseph and Sidney Rigdon. The accounts of this event are remarkable, and depict both of themsharing in the same experience which we later would call Section 76 of theDoctrine and Covenants. At theconclusion of this event, the Prophet Joseph Smith would jump out of his seat –thrilled with the experience; while Sidney Rigdon would remain in his seat, illand physically warn out. This is themoment, when the Prophet, noticing Sidney’s physical reactions states, “Nevermind him, he is not as used to it as I am.”

These three experiences reveal something about the impact the spiritcan have on our bodies, and that is that it can have a physical impact.

When people talk about feeling the spirit that is exactly what theyare referring to, feeling the spirit. Grant it, there are many circumstances and many people, who experiencethe spirit in a different way, but for the most part even the most noviceparticipant in spiritual things can say that they feel something - that thereis a physical response to the influence and impact of the Holy Spirit.

For those who are not as used to it as others, this feeling can createexcitement. It creates a sense ofawareness in part of our souls (body and spirit) that we formerly were notaware was even present or possible. Wefeel something where we didn’t feel something before and it makes us learn thatwe are more alive than we ever imagined before. And there are times when this knowledge, in and of itself, can give usea feeling of joy – joy that there is more to life than we previouslyanticipated.

But there, as always, is something more to this lesson. There is more to it than just identifyingthat the spirit has a physical effect upon our bodies. As with anything physical, there is a pointwhere the action can still take place, but the reaction goes unnoticed. We can grow accustom to such feelings, andthey no longer noticeably affect us as before.

Take into consideration the use of caffeine (the author acknowledgesthe crude correlation that is about to take place, but requests the open mindof the reader to learn the principle). When someone consumes caffeine for the first time there is a surge ofenergy, a physical response, and a reaction that hadn’t been felt before. As consumption becomes regular, thenoticeable effects diminish over time. Dependence is created, and the consumer no longer feels the same affectsas they did before. In this circumstanceit is not that the caffeine is not being consumed, and the reactions are nottaking place – the body grows insensitive to the common place chemicalreactions within the body. This usuallymeans that the only things that will become physically noticed in thiscircumstance is either the increase in the consumption amount (to heighten theresponse) or the decrease in consumption (to reveal just how dependent theconsumer really is on the ingredient).

This is a viable explanation of what might happen with thespirit. As we gain more regular, common,and frequent contact with the spirit – we physically grow accustom to it. We no longer respond as we once did havingbecome dependent upon it. In thesecircumstances it is not that we are not feeling the spirit, we are only feelingthe same amount of spirit that we usually feel; and the only thing that maychange how we feel is either an increase of the spirit, or a decrease of thespirit to reveal to us exactly how dependent upon it we have become and exactlyhow much it really as with us all along.

As stated earlier, this happens every day. I believe there is someone everyday wonderingwhy they are not feeling the spirit as they once were. The answer isn’t that there is an absence ofthe spirit, but an increase in our ability to process the spirit. This stage is a reflection of just how muchthe spirit is around us.

When you question to yourself why you don’t feel the spirit as youonce did, the most important question to ask is – what am I not doing? “Is it I?”

Be honest with yourself, and evaluate what actions and steps you maybe neglecting: personal scripture study, family time, temple attendance,sincere participation in the sacrament. If all of these things are genuinely completed, it may just be that youare surrounded with the presence of the Holy Spirit, you have become dependentupon it, and you have therefore become accustom to it.

When a missionary asks himself, his companion, or his mission president,“Why don’t I feel the same as before?” Is it that they have just become accustom to living in the light of thegospel?

The example that Joseph Smith gave us was that of the spiritualmuscle; something that is impacted through the experiences of the HolySpirit. And although it may begin weakat first, it can grow stronger and stronger, brighter and brighter, until theperfect day. And as with any muscle themore it grows, the less it is impacted with the former exercises.

I Want...by Marjorie Pay Hinckley

2011-12-19T00:32:00.001-06:00

Well said Marjorie...

“I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.

I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.

I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.

I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.

I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.

I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”

― Marjorie Pay Hinckley

An Angel Named Rosemary

2011-12-11T11:17:00.001-06:00

"They said this would cover a pie for delivery but they don't fit well. You have to tape it together" said the little frail women in the Walmart checkout line just in front of me. But that would not be all that she would share with me. As I stood in line thinking about my trials and tribulation and the hurt I had in my life I didn't know a little angel stood in front of me.

As I responded to this lady, she began to cry. She said, "I am having a bad day. I have 2 kinds of cancer, bone and lymph node cancer that is in stage 4." I tried to comfort her the best I could as we stood there in line. As she loaded her shopping cart items on the counter to be scanned she told me that she had to go to treatment and lay still for 4 hours and how hard it was for her to do that. As it became time for her to pay, the lady at the checkout counter asked her how she was doing. She politely said, "I'm Fine." I said. "She is not fine. She is having a very hard day." The compassionate worker expressed her concerned and at that point my new friend shared her cancer story.

"What is your name", I asked. "Rosemary, Rosemary Haddock, like the fish", she said with a giggle. "Rosemary, I would love to be your friend, can I have your phone number?" I inquired. "I would love that," she said. So we exchanged phone numbers and said goodbye with a promise to keep in touch.

The sweet lady at the checkout was so sweet. She thank me for including her. She said that Rosemary comes through her line several times a week and always says she is fine. She said, "Now I can say Hi to Rosemary and let her know I care".

I finished up my shopping and drove home. I couldn't get my mind off of my new friend. It seemed that she was an angel. As I began to listen to her, I began to forget myself and feel great compassion for this sweet little lady that stood crying in line as she told me a piece of her story.

As I finished putting away my stuff at home, I pulled out Rosemary's number wrote it down and put it in a safe place. This sweet lady had touched my heart and I felt a great love for her. "I'm going to call her right now" was my thought so I picked up the phone and called her.

"Rosemary, this is Donna, the lady you just met at Walmart". "Yes Donna, I am so glad I met you today. You are one of my angels", she said.

So for the next hour and some, Rosemary and I visited on the phone. Rosemary is 83 years old. Her husband passed away 7 years ago and she misses him dearly. They had been married 59 years when he passed. She said they never had a vacation but they went dancing every Saturday night. They had 3 children and one son comes by to check on her every day.

She continued to tell me about her husband, and how he loved to sing and made a record for her and the other day she was finally able to listen to it. She told me of her puppy, Peppy, that she takes almost everywhere she goes and how he helps her make it through the day. She told me of how she loves Jesus and how He has been good to her. She told me of some trials with her children and grandchildren. But she says, "I try to always be happy." She cooks and serves others everyday in someway and though it takes her a very long time, she walks 2 miles everyday. The cancer treatments have caused her to loose 79 lbs and she is down from a size 20 to a 4 so walking helps her keep going. She says no matter what, she doesn't miss a day.

Many more things she shared with me. That lady can talk, but it is like an excited child that wants to tell you everything that excites them. I am suppose to go to Rosemary's home this week. She wants me to see her home and listen to the record of her husband singing. She says she loves to bake and she wants to make me some of her famous rolls.

I felt such great love for Rosemary the moment she looked at me and told me that the pie doesn't really fit in the little plastic container.

I am grateful that for whatever reason Rosemary broke for a moment to cry to a stranger in the Walmart check out line. I think Rosemary is an angel and I look forward to being her friend. I know God sends angels to minister to his children, sometime the angels are already here and he brought one to me that day.

The Heart

2011-12-05T13:59:00.001-06:00

I've been thinking a lot in these last few days about the heart. Our heart is an organ that supplies blood and oxygen to all parts of our body. But the heart can't do it's part without the brain giving it direction, but again, no amount of direction from the brain can make a heart do it's job when it is broken. Without the heart working properly, the rest of the body will suffer and even cause death.

Today medicine has evolved so much that many broken hearts can be repaired and even restored back to good health. Sometimes in order to help the heart beat correctly, changes may have to be made in the lifestyle of the individual. We try to do things everyday to keep our hearts healthy, but when it breaks, it sometimes wakes us up to be more tender and careful with this priceless organ in our body.

These thought came to my mind because my heart has been hurting. The difference is that it has not been my physical heart but my emotional heart. When we talk about emotions we refer to the heart as the center for those feelings.We love, we hurt, we cry, we get mad, we hate, we seek and we search all with our emotional "heart".

Just as we seek help for our physically ailing heart, we too must seek help for our emotional damaged heart. Trials and tribulation take a toll on the emotional heart (I am sure the physical one too). It is this pain that causes you to dig deep into your soul or spirit to find ways to heal the damage. It causes you to look and see what emotional food hurt the heart and what changes can be made to help heal the heart.

At first, my heart cried in pain, then it fought back with anger. The more time I spent on my knees, I learned that I needed to spend more time on my knees. My damaged heart was hurting. As time began to pass my emotions went all over the place. When I became a little more stable, I could then begin to feel and think more clearly. The question was, am I feeling with a healing heart or with a damaged heart. Maybe both, I don't know. I just know that the core person of who I am began to rise to the surface. I began to be filled with love, hope and charity. It didn't seem to matter how I was treated or what pain I felt, I just couldn't be less of a person than I am. I love deeply, I care so much, I forgive and I hope. I am not a quitter. I have fight in me. I can't run away from what I believe in and what I hope for. I don't know the answers. I know I may even look foolish to some, but though the pain that I have over and over is horrible, it is helping the cream to rise to the top. I can't always see that or feel it, but I have glimpses of it, I see my character.

So just as we seek medical help for our broken physical hearts, I am seeking medical help for my emotionally broken heart. I feel that it will be a painful treatment. When we are allowing factors in life to damage our physical hearts we have to make changes if we want a healthier heart. I need to make changes. I would not have to if other factors would change, but I don't have control over those factors, I only have control over myself.

My heart is broken. I need medical help. I am searching for the correct "procedure" that can help my heart be healthy again. I am not liking the options I see, but it appears that if I will stay in contact with the greatest physician of all, I will be led to at least have some peace.

My wish is that not only my heart, but the heart of my family could all be healed so that this pain can be left behind with a hope of a brighter future.

Dreams

2011-12-04T12:24:00.001-06:00

I have been interested in dreams for a long time. I had a dream last night that touched me is why I am writing about this, but I will get to that in a moment.

Many years ago I did a paper on Dreams for a class I was taking. Though I learned a lot about "dreaming" it was all from a scientific understanding and perspective about dreams.

From an early age in life I have had dreams that have impacted me. These dreams could have just been dreams but they were dreams that helped me see things differently. I can't say I always could interpret or understand the meaning of the dream or if they were anything more than just a dream, but to me they were more.

The first dream that I can recall happened when I was a young child. I remember it clearly. I was sitting in the backseat of a car with my mother and father in the front seat. I was constantly being poked and bothered by something behind me. No matter what I did I could not get that figure of a person to leave me alone. They would continue despite my efforts to be rid of them to poke and prod me. I remember thinking about the dream after having it and my very young, inexperienced mind interpreted that person to be what I then only knew as the devil. I can see this dream clearly in my mind as I did right after I had it.

Another dream I had in my teenage years involved a car and lots of snakes. I am not sure there is or was a message about this dream, but the situation was I had gotten out of a car only to find the ground surrounded by snakes. I would have to learn when, where and how to walk to my destination without letting those snakes bite me.

I have had a handful more dreams since then that have taught me to beware of something or dreams that showed me how to do something or how important something was. These dreams are in real life form, not strange, not weird, but if you were to see the dream as a story on television they would just be a story line, but when measured up against what was going on in my life at that time, there was a clear meaning to those dreams that I was able to understand.

Last night, I dreamed that outside of my home was a snake with a piranha like head.

This snake was a threat to my family constantly causing much despair. I had finally had enough of the taunting and fear this snake was bringing to me and my family. So, I went directly up to the snake, put out my hand, being perfectly aware that he would bite me, but I didn't care, I had a greater purpose in mind. The snake, with all his sharp teeth did indeed clasp down on my hand. At that point I could carry out my plan. I used that hand to apply as much force upon the snakes head as I could. My hand pressing on the snakes head against the concrete ground, I was able to "CRUSH" the head of this snake. Perhaps to some that dream is merely a dream, to me it is hope. The dream did continue. I went to the dr. afterwards because after all, I had just been bitten by a snake. The amazing results were the only damage was the ones the bite made to the flesh. No poison had gotten into my body...none! Now the part I don't like about this dream is just a few days after this happen, I was walking in that same area and the snake I had crush was up and walking. He was severely damaged and not doing well so at that time, I was able to step on his head and finish crushing his head to nothing. I would have liked the first crushing to have been the end of that dream, but I can't forget that it took more than one try to completely crush his head. Of course, there can and will be more snakes to fight off, but if I could "CRUSH" the head of the snake that is in my life at this time, how happy I would be.

Now the question I do have, is what about the snake that someone else is battling? Can I crush that snakes head? Seems like we all have our own snakes that only we can destroy. I just hope that the snake in my dream that was causing problems to the whole family is the snake head that I crushed and can crush in real life. After all, the snake was not just causing problems to just me, it was effecting the WHOLE family. I was just the one that had the power and means to stop it.

So, whether or not anyone else believes in the power or visions that can come in dreams, I do. Experience with dreams from a very early age in my life have helped me see something I may have not seen or understood in any other way. I believe I have still need to understand how to apply this in my life, but I am getting there. I just know it gave me hope but that HOPE lies in my Savior Jesus Christ. For He has the power and have given me power through his atoning sacrifice.

This dream reminded me of Genesis 3:15.

And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.

In Hebrew, the word bruise means “to crush or grind.” Therefore, the very heel that was bruised will crush Satan and will help us overcome the world and return to our Father. As we use our agency to choose good over evil, the atonement of Christ prepares the way for us to return to our Father in Heaven.

Since Satan has no body and therefore can have no literal children, his seed are those who follow him, both the one-third he led away in the premortal existence and those who follow his enticements in mortality until they come under his power. The seed of the woman refers to Jesus Christ, who was the only mortal born of an earthly mother and a Heavenly Father.

The promise concerning the bruising of the heel and head means that while Satan (as the serpent) will bruise the heel of the Savior by leading men to crucify Him and seemingly destroy Him, in actuality that very act of Atonement will give Christ the power to overcome the power that Satan has over men and undo the effects of the Fall. Thus, the seed of the woman (Christ) shall crush the head of the serpent (Satan and his kingdom) with the very heel that was bruised (the atoning sacrifice).

I am ever so grateful for the understanding I have of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am grateful for the blessing that I have because of my desire to be obedient, always striving to learn and then walk in righteousness. If I need to be the protector of my family right now, then I need to stand and take charge of my life, however, I can't do it alone and I must remember not to try and do it alone. There are some things that only I can do, but the help of others is needful. As I discussed with my father just this morning, even Christ had someone help carry his cross.

Matthew 27:31–38

31. And after that they had mocked him, they took the robe off from him, and put his own raiment on him, and led him away to crucify him.

32. And as they came out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name: him they compelled to bear his cross.

A More Determined Discipleship
By Elder Neal A. Maxwell
Of the Presidency of the First Quorum of the Seventy

Life’s episodes may thus take on new meaning. For instance, Simon, the Cyrenian, wandered into Jerusalem on the very day of Christ’s crucifixion and was pressed into service by Roman soldiers to help carry the Savior’s cross. Simon’s son, Rufus, joined the Church and was so well thought of by the Apostle Paul that the latter mentioned Rufus in his epistle to the Romans, describing him as “chosen in the Lord” (Rom. 16:13). Was it, therefore, a mere accident that Simon “who passed by, coming out of the country,” was asked to bear the cross of Jesus? (Mark 15:21).

I am grateful for those who have helped me carry my cross.

Carry Your Cross

By Elder Marvin J. Ashton

Of the Quorum of the Twelve

I desire to have the strength I need to put my life in order that through the atonement of Jesus Christ the head of "this serpent" that is so prevalent in my life can be CRUSHED.

Funerals and Friends

2011-11-13T11:14:00.001-06:00

A dear friend of mine passed away this week. She was 89 years old and one of the sweetest ladies I've known. My first memory of her was as my primary chorister, now called primary music leaders. I can see her very clearly now as I did as a child. She was smiling and happy and teaching primary songs that would forever remain with me.

As a child and youth, I was blessed to attend church with some great people. People didn't move around like they do today so many of the older generation that I knew from way back when are still living in the same area. Sadly, I have attended the funerals of a number of them, but it is with such joy that I am able to do so.

I am happy that I have been able to remain in this area for many reasons, but an added blessing has been in getting to stay in contact with so many of those elders of my youth. While it is not as it use to be, I can still go to the temple and run into one or two of them. When I go to church with my parents, I again get to see and hug them. It is such a warm embrace and a sweetness that has no words to describe it.

While attending the funeral for Sister Catherine Hollingsworth, I was able to not only see these beloved elders from my childhood, but also their children and friends that I don't get the opportunity to see and visit with in my adult life. The hugs and warmth cannot be replaced by following a blog or facebook page. It is so much sweeter.

The comment was made a couple of times to me that it was like a High School Reunion only getting to see those you wanted to see. I say, it was a family reunion. To be in the company of those that I have known most of my life and who added so much to who I am at an early age was truly a bright and beautiful reunion of spirits. As I sat there and looked around the room I could feel that family is indeed beyond the blood line of our immediate family. I could feel a royal blood line that connected me to those brothers and sisters that had been a part of my mortal journey. The feeling was so sweet that I could only imagine for a brief moment of the reunion that was taking place for Sister Hollingsworth and that will one day take place for all of us.

I am grateful that I had that peaceful moment of clarity and hope for the joy that we can and will experience as we draw closer to our Heavenly Father. If I can remove my self from the temporal woes in my life and ponder upon the Plan of Salvation in it's fulness, then I can better face my trials and tribulations.. I have been very blessed and have much to be grateful for. The richness of those blessings were made a little more translucent as I sat to say goodbye to a sweet sister who touched my life at an early point of my journey and made a difference in me.

City of Pity

2011-10-31T09:15:00.001-05:00

Lately I have found my residence in the "City of Pity". Sometimes the trials of life beat me down to where I begin to see the greener pastures in other Neighborhoods but I know that to have a greener pasture I just need to live in the prosperous city of "Hope".

Recently while putting my roots down in the "City of Pity" I felt sorry for myself because I felt like a lot (not all) my suffering was because of choices of other. Just seconds later after letting this thought trample across the planted daffodils in my mind, I was quickly reminded that my Savior Jesus Christ suffered more than any for the choices of all. That thought moved those heavy steps in my mind away from that pasture of despair that I was sowing and back to the field of trust and hope.

I have to work hard to stay away from the "City of Pity". I do admit that I still visit there sometimes but the harvest of what is reaped from this place is always bitter. After a recent return visit there, I found myself still planting seeds that would only result in poisonous crop. Here you water your seeds with tears of despair and fertilize with negative thoughts. I actually think I participated in feeding on this destroying crop a little too long, but fortunately after some time, I was able to purge the hurtful food of despair as my thoughts were drawn in another direction.

The list is so long of the people that came to my mind that have suffered because of another. There is Lehi who had to take his family and flee his home because of the sins of the people there. Nephi suffered because of his brothers and the unrighteous of others. Joseph, the son of Jacob suffered because of the jealousy of his brothers. Even Adam and Eve suffered the loss of a child because of the choice of another child. Daniel was thrown in the Lion's Den because others didn't want him to pray to his God. Moroni, Alma, Amulek, the list goes on and on of the suffering of many great men and women.

Today, I hear of the loved one that was taken away because of the choice of another to drive while intoxicated. A friend is suffering because of her husband's choice to leave her for another women. Another is hurting because the choices of the their child or children and that list goes on as well.

So we all suffer and hurt at sometime because of the choices of another but to pass blame and let this excuse produce further hurt is just planting weeds. It does no one any good and I certainly have no room to cast stones as I am not without fault.

So today, I am going to move my things back to a more fruitful city, where the grass is truly greener. The city of "Hope". I will have to earn my way to live in this city as the seeds here are watered with tears of hope and sweat of hard work and fertilized with the Love of Christ. Residence here takes more effort than the "City of Pity" but the rewards are so much grandeur. I hope that what I sow here will reap a harvest of good and plenty.

General Conference Highlights

2011-10-08T21:30:00.002-05:00

I was about to make a record for my own benefit about the messages from General Conference. As I was looking online for a copy of the messages, I came across another members Highlights and loved the way they reviewed the message so I have included it below. I did hear some very individual messages for me but did not write them down. I will be reviewing the talks over and over so that I may have better guidance in my life.

The other day I had made a trip and was on my way home. I was taking a new route and at some point did not pay attention to the road and miss the connection I needed. So I got on the phone to get some help with my location. I had decided what I now needed to do to get home. Well, I thought it was taking too long so I used the map on my phone. I could see that there was a shorter way so I took a different road still yet.

Too my disappointment, I found myself in an very unfamiliar area with some very uncomfortable surroundings. I kept asking myself why I didn't pay attention to start with, then why I had to take a "short cut"? So using my brain I kept my cool knowing I could figure this out. One road did not lead me to the intended hwy and then still another was closed off. I sat at a traffic light, anxious for it to run green, and locked my doors. Bars and so called "gentlemens" clubs were all around me. I didn't panic, used some common sense and finally got back to a familiar road so that I could continue my journey home safely. The trip added 30 mins to my commute. It was dark and I was tired, but I made it home safely using 1) a call home 2) a map and 3) my heart and brain.

As I knelt in prayer last night this experience came back to me as I asked my Heavenly Father for directions in this season of my life. I have found myself traveling on a road that I have never been on. Not all things on this path make me feel secure and comfortable. What a blessing as I felt comfort and direction come into my mind. I knew my Father was guiding me safely back to Him but I would just need to listen and obey. Sometimes, just like that night, I think I have a shortcut or a better way, but ultimately, it only leads you in places you don't want to be. By 1) listening to my Heavenly Father 2) Using the scriptures and present day leaders council (map) and 3) the spirit that is within me, I can make it home safely.

I heard some road map directions in General Conference that will indeed help me stay or get on the right road that my Heavenly Father wants me to travel.

Now the Conference Highlights.
http://mormonsoprano.com/2011/10/03/general-conference-highlights-october-2011/

Conference Highlights – October 2011

The Conference Center, SLC Utah

It is impossible to givetrue justice to a General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ ofLatter-day Saints with a mere summary. However, for the sake of mymany readers who may not have had the opportunity to watch or hear theconference yet, or for those who would like my perspective – hereare a few of my personal observations and highlights fromthe recent October 2011 Conference weekend:

1. TEMPLES: theannouncement of 6 new temples

2. SCRIPTURES: One ofthe major themes of the Conference revolved around reading, pondering,memorizing and cherishing our scriptures. Apostle Elder Richard G. Scott statedthat “scriptures are like packets of light” and can become our “stalwartfriends” in times of trouble. It is important to study from all of ourstandard works, however “those who consistently read the Book of Mormon willbe given a greater measure of strength“, and Elder TadCallister cautioned that “one has not truly researched our churchwithout reading The Book of Mormon“, which is a book of scripturepossessing only “one interpretation” of truth, and is a “crucialsecond witness of Jesus Christ, and of the truth of the Bible“.

2. PRAYER: Countlessspeakers emphasized the critical importance of building a personal relationshipwith our Heavenly Father through prayer: “one of the most precious giftsfrom God to man“. Elder J. Devon Cornish taught that,

“Like medicine, prayer only workswhen used as directed. . . The object of prayer is not to change the will ofGod, but to ask for things that cannot be given to us without asking.”

President Thomas S. Monson shared a story fromhis youth during the Great Depression when he prayed to recover a precious lost$5, and encouraged us to “build a relationship with God through prayer“.Elder J. Devon Cornish shared a story of being able to buy a piece ofchicken in answer to a heartfelt prayer. We were reminded by Elder RobertE. Hales that “sometimes our prayer is left unanswered because we aren’tready for the answer yet.”, and that “Too often we pray to havepatience, but we want it right now!” Sister Barbara Thompson reminded us toinquire of the Lord by “asking in faith“, and then acting upon thepromptings we receive in order to have the spirit of the Lord with us at alltimes. Prayer, and cultivating the Spirit within us, allows us to developa firm testimony so that when hard trials come, it will “keep us” safe.

3. TRIALS: Goingthrough Hard times, and offering suggestions for getting through them, were amajor theme of this conference. This is because none of us are immune totrials. We are either experiencing one right now, or will gothrough one in the near future. It’s guaranteed, because it is part ofGod’s plan for us during this mortal life. Studying Scriptures, offeringPrayers, and cultivating our faith to “trust God” were repeated many times.President Uchtdorf’s masterful talk about our place in the vast Universereminded us that “the worth of souls is great in the sight of God” andalthough “Compared to God, we are nothing. Yet, we are everything to God“. ApostleQuentin L. Cook posed the age-old question “Why do bad things happen to goodpeople?”, citing such tragedies as the horrific losses during 9-11,recent natural disasters, and the fateful sinking of the ocean linerTitanic 100 years ago. Although we may not have control over the bad thingsthat happen to us, we should keep proper perspective that ”we arein the middle of a 3-Act Play” here on earth. The First Act was ourpre-earth existence, and the Third Act will be our life with Godafter death. Some day, everything will make sense, and everything will bealright. For now, we are asked to walk by faith that God knows what He isdoing.

4. JESUS IS OUR SAVIOR AND HELOVES US:

As in the past, the great andoverreaching theme of General Conference is that Jesus Christ is our Saviorand Redeemer. We may be nicknamed “Mormons”, but we are members of TheChurch of Jesus Christ. We bear witness of his divinity, and we arestriving in these “latter days” to be true followers of Jesus (“saints“)before he returns to earth again. Every single speaker in this Conference borepowerful personal witness of Jesus Christ. Each message revolved around theteachings of Jesus and how we can be better disciples. As Elder Cook stated “TheSavior’s atonement provides lifeboats for everyone!”, and perhaps ourprophet summarized the message of this Conference best:

“We’re all here because we love theLord and want to serve Him. I express gratitude to the Lord for His hand in allthings.” - Thomas S. Monson

At the conclusion of the 181stsemi-annual General Conference, the message was clearly etched on my heartthat God is my loving Heavenly Father, and yours. He knows eachof His children. He hears our pleas for help, He sent us His son to save andredeem us, and no matter how dark and frightening things feel, or howdesperate our circumstances may become, we can be assured that He hasnever, and will never, forsake us!

Last night at the dinner table, Mr.MoSop wisely observed that “perhaps the most important message at Conferenceisn’t the one we actually hear, but the one that we feel“. Oh, how true!How grateful I am for such a good man in our home who is a righteous husbandand father and “defender of virtue“, as Elaine S. Dalton beautifully instructed.

Over the next 6 months, each of ushave a chance to read, study and ponder the messages that were given (seelds.org or go to MormonMessagesYouTube). We will be doing so to rekindle the Spirit of God andlove of our Savior which Conference always brings into our lives.

The Unforgettable Forget-Me-Not Talk

Saturday September 24th was theglobal 2011 Relief SocietyAnnual General Conference held in Salt Lake City, Utah andbroadcast by radio, satellite transmission and online streaming to the world.I was priveldged to be able to watch it by satellite. Each talk was inspiringand made me feel better about myself and glad to be alive. The most“unforgettable” talk was, as usual, by President Dieter F. Uchtdorfof the LDS First Presidency who delighted us with a modern parable centered onthe tiny blue forget-me-not flower. Each of the 5 petals of theflower represent a guiding principle that he hopes women everywhere neverforget. This talk is sure to rank right up there with the late President GordonB. Hinckley’s beloved, and equally unforgettable, “6 Be’s” Talk from Jan.2000.

“You are destined for more than you canpossibly imagine!”

President Uchtdorf’s talk couldnot have come at a more appropriate time for me personally. Our family has beenexperiencing some difficult trials over the past month, and Ihave definitely struggled with discouragement. One ofthe overriding themes of this women’s conference was that ALL of us are strugglingwith something, as a line from one of my favorite hymn’s beautifullystates: ”in the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can’tsee“. Whoever you are and wherever you live, I know that you have quietburdens that you are carrying, and I know that you can use the positiveencouragement of Pres. Uchtdorf’s recent message.

Never Forget. . .

1. .. . to be Patient and Compassionate with yourself.

2. .. .some sacrifices are better than others. (learn to prioritize and notover-do)

3. .. . you don’t have to wait for a “Golden Ticket” to be happy.

4. .. . the “Why” of the Gospel will inspire and uplift you. (don’t get boggeddown by the “How”)

5. .. . your Heavenly Father knows, loves and cherishes you!